Today, I’ve decided to let my schedule go. And enjoy time with my baby. I am letting him nap on me while I type this. Listening to his soft breath. Feeling him move up and down like a wave on my chest as we breathe. Planting a gentle kiss on his forehead. Sometimes on his nose, if I can reach it. Occasionally I sneeze (or cough) and I hold him close right after. As if to apologize for disturbing his precious nap. But also a little scared that he might wake up cranky. He tends to accept the apology and continue napping. He smiles, even laughs in his sleep. I wonder what’s going on in that tiny little head of his.
I could put him in his crib. Like I usually do. The house is a mess and I have a long (endless) list of items to be done. But once a day I let it all go. And I let him nap on me. The last four months have been a blur. Soon he will start moving about. He may not want to sleep in my arms. So I hold him close today. Hugging his warm body. Enjoying this moment. Gently brushing my cheeks against his forehead. To reassure him that I’m right here. And also to reassure myself that he will always be my baby.