Why I do what I do

We try to find hidden meanings, hidden intentions in all that is around us. In conversations, in actions and in situations. We do not trust anything to accept things as they are. If someone is good we question the reason for being good. After all in this age and time, it is indeed hard to believe that one would want to help another just out of love or good nature.

I question a lot. And I find the most negative reason behind my friend’s loving gesture. I find it absurd myself. Because I know how she feels about me. I know I can close my eyes and let her take decisions for me (except at a restaurant, I can’t rely on anyone when it comes to food). Yet I question her so much, causing both of us a lot of strain. I accuse her of the most inane mistakes. Mistakes that I know in my heart that she will not commit.

Why do I behave that way is what I ask myself often. I try to find an answer in the hope of reducing our squabbles. I dont get an answer but last night I came across a thought which I think comes really close to the answer.

“Sometimes I push you away, because i need you to pull me closer. “

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